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Atlanta Llamaricks

Here are a couple of limericks I wrote for my recent talk in Atlanta:

Before the talk:

Politicians so avidly court us
The pundits pretend they support us
But if the health of our nation
Was that of my patients
I’d shortly expect rigor mortis

After the Talk:

I’m so happy to be in Atlanta
I’ll only drink Coke and Orange Fanta
I hope that my speaking
Was what you were seeking
And not left you needing Mylanta

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The Return of the Llamarick

My readers were all broken-hearted
This llamaricks barely got started
But a contract redacted
Got me quite distracted
Sent me into waters uncharted

(Note that I resisted a certain rhyme that my middle-school self thought of immediately).

Those who know me can say quite correctly
My mid-life change did quite affect me
I've worked with great ardor
But doing it's harder
It takes practice to practice directly.

As far as I can ascertain
These poems just come to my brain
I hope that the humor
Is not from a tumor
I think I'm innately inane

So now I can only start guessing
If this is a means of egressing
Or is it an auger
That this unstable blogger
Will make verses with their ends that the poets often find quite depressing.

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There Once was a Grand that was Round

This is the alter-ego to the Grand Rounds post on my "regular" blog: More Musings (of a Distractible Kind).  OK, I guess it's more id than ego. Here are the rounds not so serious There is nothing grand or mysterious It's just posts submitted To limerick committed With poet who's mildly delirious. 

1.  Swedish Meatball Surgery, Part XVI - Insureblog

If down to the ground floor you're speedin' Here's wisdom that you should be heedin' Your trip may be final If fractures are spinal Especially if you live in Sweden

2.  Study Finds Wide Variation in Reoperation Rates after Lumpectomy - Medical Lessons

The next post will make you disgusted If cancer to surgeons you've trusted For those who've been through it May have to re-do it Why can't the bad doctors get busted?

3.  UCEM Position Statement On Alcohol And Idiocy - Life in the Fast Lane

A study both shrewd and methodic Reflects upon neurons necrotic To keep your brain thinking You might ponder drinking To guard against words idiotic

4.  The Soundtrack of Loss - MS Renegade

A tune born from distant guns' firing Brought praise from a public admiring A gifted musician A fatal condition Ring out with a note most inspiring

5.  The Cost of Shopping Around for Health Care - The Colorado Insurance Insider

If you want help for your condition Be careful from whom you petition Advice that they offer May fill up their coffers They may be a doctored physician

6.  Mindfulness in Palliative Care - ACP Hospitalist

The doctors who care for the dying The nurses who comfort the crying To face life's unfairness It takes self-awareness Just be who you are without trying

7.  "Do Not Resuscitate" Orders as Body Art - ACP Internist

A mark on the skin made for viewing Is what all the cool kids are doing Now some who are older Are getting quite bolder With "DNR" wishes tattooing

8.  Channeling Your Inner Aretha Franklin - Advoconnection Blog

The elderly feel disaffected While feeling their needs are neglected They don't find it funny When they are called "honey" They simply want to be respected

9.  Letter to an Uncaring Entity - Northwest Transplant

A letter that's filled with frustration Reflects on the mood of the nation For those with the purses are telling our nurses That drugs require authorization

10.  Walking the Walk - Life is a Many Zebra'd Thing

Can't count those carbs? You're pathetic! Fall on the floor? Call the medic! You'll never outwit it You just should admit it That horrible name: diabetic.

11. Yacht Medicine - Glasshospital

The lives of the wealthy are fraught With sorrows their money has bought But when health is failing They'll find there's smooth sailing From doctors who'll come to their yacht

12.  Friday Reflection: The risks of looking and doing so much - Dr. John M

A doctor with much to be losing Considers the roads he's been choosing For sometimes it's best To forego the test The choices are getting confusing

Thanks to the writers so clever Who made my job easier than ever If you find this amusing Then check out my musings My seriously ranting endeavor 

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A Submission From an Aspiring Llamarickerist

Yes, I got a submission from a REAL LIVE HUMAN named Elizabeth.  Here's the back-story on this:

- In 9th grade honors English class, we had a section entitled "Poetry writing" where we had to write poems for class. Someone suggested limericks, and I wrote several off the top of my head that were frankly, very popular, and sometimes humorous. Anyway, Jeff <Last Name Withheld> (a boy in my class) suggested people give me the first line of a limerick, and I had to write one in 30 seconds or less. The first line of this limerick came from Jeff. The resulting poem was very popular. :)

And here is the masterpiece of this very promising young woman:

There once was a frog in the Rockies

He could run; he was a jockies.

One day he ran

straight into a fan,

and bled all over his sockies.

A truly poignant reminder to avoid whirling blades while running.  I do wonder if the frog was a jockey, or if he was wearing Jockeys (or both)*.  I think that is part of the depth of this piece, creating tension in the reader and allowing us to sympathize with the protagonist.

That last bit was for your English teacher, Elizabeth.  I'm showing how to read far too much into something, but to do so sounding like a scholar.  Using the word "protagonist" always wins points with English teachers.  Remember that and you will go far in Life.

Well done.  Thanks for the submission!

*It is also interesting to note that Jockey makes both underwear on socks, so the reference in the last line may allude to the right interpretation.

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Lola the Llama

I met a llama once in Wonderland where theKids say "Hi," but Hispanic ones just say "HOLA." H-O-L-A, Hola! I walked up to her and asked for a ride I asked for her name and then a high-pitched voice told me Lola L-O-L-A Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la

Well I'm not the most zoological guy But when I saw her face, it sent chills down my spine Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand Why they keep them all here in Wonderland Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well, I saw giraffes and saw chimpanzees But that llama girl had captured me They picked me up and sat me on her back and said "Dear boy how do you like Alpac?" Well, I'm not the most zoological guy, but when I looked in her eyes, well I almost fell for my Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la Lo lo lo lo Lo - la Lola Lo lo lo lo Lo - la Lo lo lo lo Lo - la

I got off her back I walked for the gate I was fighting fate I got down on my knees Then I spit at her and she spit at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay And I always want it to be that way for my Lola La-la-la-la Lola So are alpacas really llamas too? It's a mixed up muddled up shook up zoo except for Lola La-la-la-la Lola

CHORUS #2: Well I left home just to see Jack-o And I'd never thought I'd see an alpac-o But Lola llama put me in a fog It's too bad for her the place went to the dogs

Well I'm not the world's most emotional man But when I heard the news I went and ordered a flan Just for Lola La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

*My apologies to The Kinks Go here for an explanation of the tragic story of Lola the llama. 

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Golden Llama

Call your daddy and your mama It's time to win a Golden Llama!* A prize created to embolden A prize of llama that is golden!

If you want a chance at glory Click on this to read the story About a way I once looked scary Because of growth out of my nares.

Because our very special Pal That famous doc named Dr. Val Is listing it with posts profound And linking it in her Grand Rounds

But not just any rounds so grand For Dr. Val is in demand! Where can you find her blog buffet? The blog for USA Today!

I tip my hat to our dear Frau she's really hit the big-time now. Her post should reach each demographic (It also will increase my traffic!)

And so I offer my award Once thought forgotten, now restored To those so gifted who compose A clever verse about the nose.

No need for meter or for rhyme No need for images sublime Write whatever does excite you Ballad, ode, or even haiku

And then send me your magnum opus Using cyber hocus pocus Go to this page for your submission Then wait for fame and recognition

A Golden Prize awaits the clever A just reward for your endeavor But don't wait long, the clock is ticking Soon comes the hour I do my picking.

What if your verse, however gallant Shows you lack a shred of talent? I promise I will not be cruel And make you show up like a fool.

This could be your shining moment! A celebration you will foment Folks far away as Yokohama Will know you won a golden llama.

 

*I will send the HTML if you so wish (so you can put it on your web page).

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Six Little Pills

Six little pills all snug in a packSix  little pills when microbes attack Six little pills give illness the whack Six little pills are doled out like crack

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax! What would we do? When people are coughing up purulent goo? Zithromax!  Zithromax! The patients felt cheated Till you gave us something to make them feel treated.

Six little pills in a pack for the handing. Six little pills, what excellent branding! Six little pills for the patient demanding. Six little pills, good science notwithstanding.

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax! So overused. As URI treatment makes patients confused. Oh Zithromax, Zithromax! Prescribed without blinking How long will physicians give you without thinking?

Six little pills at the patients’ insistence Six little pills should we now keep our distance? Six little pills we’ll rue your existence If Six little pills are paths to resistance.

Oh Zithromax, Zithromax! You make us desirous Against our best judgment to cover a virus Oh Zithromax, Zithromax! Your pills in a pack So oft make the best doctor act like a quack.

*Thanks to MarylandMD for pointing out my major gaffe - I called it "Five Little Pills" when a Z-Pak is six pills.  I could've called it poetic license, but someone would've probably made a wise-crack about needing a learner's permit.

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